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04 November 2013 @ 05:41 pm

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

My best friend Melissa is missing. I believe she has been kidnapped and possibly killed and I have evidence that points to a culprit but the police refuse to investigate so I’m putting this up online in the hope of raising attention and forcing the issue.</p>

Melissa Carter, born July 13, 1984. Melissa and I have been friends since she moved to the bay area for college in 2002. We met at freshman orientation and remained close even after we graduated. After an unfortunate split with a boyfriend Melissa moved in with me in 2010 and she remained my best friend and roommate until she disappeared.

On the evening of January 19th I returned home to find that our apartment had been robbed of all of Mellissa’s belongings. Her furniture, jewelry, and even her photographs had been taken from the apartment. I immediately called the police and when Melissa didn’t return home that night I tried to file a missing persons report.

The only person who could have accessed our apartment and taken Melissa’s things is Harold Steiner, our landlord. I began to suspect Mr. Steiner had ill intent toward Melissa from the moment they met. When he saw her moving in to my apartment he asked me her named and wondered allowed what “a good-looking woman like that” was doing living with me.


Soon after, Mr. Steiner began a campaign of harassment. He demanded I sign a new lease agreement that included Mellissa and raised our rent by $500 a month.

This campaign continued until Melissa disappeared. Mr. Steiner now claims to have never met Melissa and that I have been a model tenant who has never argued with him about our lease.

Most chillingly, he pointed out to the police that any roommates would have had to sign the lease agreement, which, naturally, lists only myself as a tenant.

While it seems faily clear Mr. Steiner has taken Melissa and her belongings, without evidence of his disagreements with us (stolen from the apartment along with Melissa’s things) the police could not find any evidence of Melissa being a missing person.

I have hired a private investigator and tried to contact childhood friends of Melissa through her highschool but if you have any information on Melissa or Mr. Steiner, please contact me through this blog.

I’ve lost my closest friend and I need your help to find her. Melissa Carter, age 28, disappeared on the evening of January 19th from her apartment in the lower height. While I have strong evidence pointing to a culprit, the police have been unwilling or unable to help and so I’m putting this online in hopes that you can help me find her or the evidence needed to arrest her Kidnapper, Harold Steiner.

Mr. Steiner was our Landlord at the apartment Melissa and I shared until our breakup last year. While I let Melissa keep the apartment I would occasionally visit to make sure she was doing alright. When I visited on January 19th however the locks had been changed and a new couple, Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright, claimed to have been living there for several weeks.

When I asked Mr. Steiner where Melissa was he claimed that he had never met her or myself before. Mr. Steiner had previously been involved in a long legal battle with both Melissa and myself about the terms of our lease but I returned home to find that the lease, and in fact all evidence of Melissa and my relationship, had been stolen. This lack of evidence has server Mr. Steiner well, making it all but impossible to arrest him or even file a simple missing persons report for Melissa.

Melissa and I may no longer be dating but I still consider her my closest friend. If Melissa is okay and has simply moved but doesn’t want me to know a simple note telling me she’s alright should suffice.

I’ve hired a private investigator and tried to contact Melissa’s family and friends (who have thus far not returned my calls or e-mails) just to find some evidence of Melissa that I can use to file a missing persons report. If you have any photos or paperwork of Melissa’s, perhaps from her time at UC Berkeley, that would be much appreciated. I’m also looking for any and all records on Mr. Steiner you might be able to provide.

I’ve lost my closest friend and I need your help to find her. Melissa Carter, aged 28, disappeared from her apartment on or around the night of January 19th. While I have evidence that points to a suspect police have been unwilling or unable to arrest the man, Harold Steiner, and so I’m putting this on the internet in the hopes of finding more information on Melissa’s current whereabouts or evidence leading to Mr. Steiner’s arrest.

Mr. Steiner was the landlord at the apartment that Melissa and I shared up until our breakup last year. While I had initially been very close with him he changed after I gave Melissa the apartment, demanding that she sign a new lease without my name on it and to accept a new, slightly higher, monthly rent. While I saw Melissa less and less over the next few months when I would visit she was increasingly concerned that Mr. Steiner’s insistence on a new rent might force her to move.

When I came to visit her on January 19th the locks had been changed and a new couple, Mr. and Mrs. St. John, who claimed to have been living there since the start of the month, now occupied the apartment. When I asked Mr. Steiner about this he claimed to have never met Melissa and, even more disturbingly claimed to have never met me. He showed me the St. John’s lease but could not, or would not, produce the lease for the apartment’s previous occupant.

Even more perplexingly, I returned home to find that everything I owned that referenced Melissa, both physical and digital, had been stolen from my apartment. I can’t say how Mr. Steiner managed this but his absolute calmness while claiming he’d never met Melissa or me certainly implies that he KNEW I wouldn’t be able to produce any evidence against him.

Some part of me hopes that this is all a cruel plank Melissa or Mr. Steiner are playing on me but if it is I’d appreciate a note letting me know that Melissa is safe. While the police are sympathetic to my plight the lack of physical evidence of a crime makes it difficult to file a formal missing persons report for Melissa or arrest Mr. Steiner.

I’ve hired a private investigator and tried to contact Melissa’s friends and family (to no avail, many have been unwilling to talk to me since our breakup) but any evidence of Melissa’s current whereabouts or information about Mr. Steiner that might link him to her disappearance would be very helpful.

02 April 2013 @ 02:07 pm
I don't know any Melissa. Leave me alone. Thanks!
21 June 2009 @ 11:43 am

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

It is as we all feared. David Bowie has sired a race of warrior/poets that will make us all obsolete. And their first task was to make the best hard sci-fi movie since Gattaca.

I’m always torn with particularly good movies between just presenting the few facts you need to know (Sam Rockwell, on the Moon, meets himself, directed by Duncan Jones, who is the son of David Bowie) and going on at length about it until I’ve thoroughly ruined the film for everyone who hasn’t seen it. But here I really can’t talk about much of anything because a large part of the brilliance of Moon is that it isn’t the movie you think it will be. It isn’t Solaris, it isn’t 2001. It’s a psychological sci-fi film so the comparison is apt in a way, but the cheap twists you keep expecting never come and the magical solution made of bad science and plot neccesity never arrives to usher in act three.

This is a movie about a guy, on the moon, who meets himself without any gimicks or shocking twists. I know that must seem like a contradiction, after all the premise itself sounds like a gimick. But, unlike most sci-fi movies, Moon treats it’s fantastic premise as mundane. This has happened to the characters, and they don’t stand around for the rest of the movie as shocked and confused as the audience is. Solaris is a movie about “what the hell is going on?” Moon is a film that asks “Where do we go from here?” And that’s a question most science fiction doesn’t seem to bother answering.

29 April 2009 @ 11:18 pm

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

So everyone’s been asking and the date is finally confirmed. I’ll be leaving the evening of May 23rd. Daw-a-palooza will probably be a three part event with a party at Scott and Katherine’s, a trip to go see the new Star Trek, and a final event for the actually teary goodbye crap. I’d be more emotional but I’ve been killing myself with moving crap all day and I’ll probably have to do the same again tomorrow. I’ll probably get all shmaltzy about my time in New York sometime around this weekend…when I’m staying in New Jersey.

07 April 2009 @ 01:57 pm

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

I, like Jane St. John before me, will be journeying to the Undying Lands of San Fransisco next month. This is sure to be an event as drawn out as the end of the Lord of the Rings where I stole this bit from, but I’m gone by mid May so get some face time with me while you can.

06 April 2009 @ 09:33 pm

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

You be a shark and I’ll be the TV show House and jump over you.

06 January 2009 @ 06:44 pm

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

It’s 2009 and I think it’s time to come to grips with the fact that the following things are dead. I hope none of you will mourn their passing for too long.

Copyright-The war is over. We won. Appealing directly to ISPs is a last ditch effort to do an end-run around internet culture and any ISPs stupid enough to try and stop illegal downloads deserve the irrelevance they’re dooming themselves to. It’ll still take a few years for laws to catch up so don’t stop donating to the EFF but copyright is more toothless than it’s ever been and the gatekeepers of media are finally figuring out that everybody went in through the hole in the fence already. If you’re in a business that’s untenable without limiting the copying of something, get out of it.
Reviewers as Tastemakers-More on this soon since it’s the death I have the most immediate plans to do something about. Suffice it to say that there’s little point in somebody telling you what to think of the new Beck album when anybody can steal the new Beck album.
The Right to Privacy-We’re not taking down the CCTV’s and nobody cares that Google has more information on us than the DHS. I’m sorry Cory Doctorow, you fought the good fight on this one but it’s over. The privacy debate now needs to be framed along the lines of a capitalist exchange. People need to be educated about what they’re gaining for the loss of private control of their data. The right to privacy should now be considered the right to fair compensation for loss of privacy. If Google can search my e-mail to figure out I’m interested in buying a new DVD and I get free e-mail storage, and multi-user calender and document sharing in exchange I’m okay with that. If the government records my phone calls and I get an undefined amount of “safety” then we have a social contract to renegotiate.
The Politics of fear-I thought about just writing “the modern Republican party” but in theory they could survive this blow. However nobody votes their fear anymore because nobody’s a useful kind of afraid. Fear politics hinges on the idea that the person making you afraid can protect you from whatever boogeyman they’ve set up. But after years of it everybody’s too exhausted to be afraid anymore. Their either consentrating on our new hopeocracy or they’re so completely terrified about how fucked we are that they don’t think anybody can save them from the boogeyman and aren’t really useful for political capital. For an abject lesson in this watch Norm Coleman scream his head off about the horrible undemocratic danger Al Franken is over the next few weeks while NOBODY CARES. Note to the democratic party: You’re not immune to this, if the economy is slow to pick up and you try to use fear politics in 2010 to make up for it you WILL lose seats in congress.
The Golden Age of TV Drama-The writer’s strike killed it, sorry everybody who’s waiting for the next Lost. It isn’t coming any time soon. This isn’t to say you’ll never watch a good TV show again, but you’ll increasingly be watching things that are cheap to produce and have little authorial voice. In other words you’ll be watching a lot of reality TV because the writers strike had the opposite of its intended effect. The networks were supposed to see that online entertainment was the future and the writers were supposed to realize how much they love having a large corporation helping them with promotions and funding and all that annoying stuff. Instead the Networks ignored the internet entirely and decided that writers were getting to be a fairly risky proposition in any medium that they could maybe do without. Meanwhile writers figured out that it’s getting easier every day to just fund and promote your own projects and then you don’t have to listen to that annoying goblin in the corner who’s worried that an atheist character is “too edgy.” What happens when Joss Whedon gets canceled and he decides he’s making another web-series not a movie? What happens when JJ Abrams decides that his next series is more interesting as an ARG than an actual show? I don’t know but I expect we’ll be finding out shortly. Oh…HBO and Showtime will still be okay.

25 December 2008 @ 03:18 am

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

So as I’ve said several times, even though my top ten list would be better than everybody else’s I’m not actually going to make one. The reason for this is that I’m not entirely certain I can get to ten albums. (Lykke Li was pretty rad, School of Seven Bells was basically Lykke Li but more rad and ummmmmm did I listen to other albums?) But since everybody else is doing it and I’m secretly going to spend my life wanting to be one of the cool kids I do have a few musical thoughts to share with you.

The first is that the Venture Brothers ruins everything in the nicest way. Wait for it this is actually musical and the last link was Jonathan Coulton and doesn’t count. Caitlin and I have been discussing our mutual hatred of Christmas music in general basically since we met, but recently our ire has concentrated on one song in particular. A song so vile that I had already filled out all the paperwork to add it to my list of mankind’s irredemable sins. But before I could file it with the department of irredemable sins the Venture Brothers came out with their holiday cover and made Henchman 21 and Henchman 24’s cover of Wonderful Christmastime my Christmas song of the year. I think it’s 21’s impromptu addition of “Best song ever written by children” during the mind numbing “ding dong ding dong ding dong” part (thus redeming one of the dumbest parts of one of the worst songs ever written) that really sells it for me.

However that’s my comedy recommendation. With it comes an actual recommendation. Suzan has, on several occasions this year, made fun of me for continuing to follow the mashup scene leaving me scambling to desperately try and defend it. The best I’ve been able to do is that Mashups, when done right, are like a brilliant music review and the best dance party you’ve ever been to combined into one experience. They highlight parts of songs you’ve listened to over and over and make you think about them in new ways while simultaneously providing you with AN ACTUALLY GOOD SONG that you can work with. Unfortunately the scene has largely been taken oven by hacks who put together two flavor of the month songs like a C list DJ who can’t even be bothered to let each song have it’s due and then wait for their applause.

But with the new year comes a new plan and I think I’ve come up with the perfect compromise position. The mashup scene basically only exists in Decemeber. After all that’s when the only two events of they year that make me think mashups aren’t dead happen. The first is that bootiesf makes up their year end best mashups list (which they haven’t done yet the lazy bums) collating all the half decent mashups in one place so you can easily look around for the gems. And the second, and far more reliable, method is that that team9 does their annual mashup album for stereogum. At this point you can basically just listen to Mysplice (the mashup album in question) and feel confident that you’ve listened to about 65-75% of all good mashups for the year. Take for instance exhibit A, a mashup of Gimme Shelter and Love Lockdown that I enjoy despite the fact that I despise 808’s and heartbreak (yes I know Russ, we can have our light saber battle over it when you’re all better) and which puts an interesting spin on both tracks. From there it’s easy enough to expand to other tracks like Disturbed Youth and Britney Get’s Bloc-ed that you’d might as well just grab the whole album.

So anyway there’s my Christmas gift to everybody I didn’t predict a gift for: a comedy cover and a mashup album. Feel free to laugh at my taste in the finest holiday tradition.


Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

So I’m poor. But in finding the gifts for the four people on earth I can afford to be magnanimous toward I found bizarre little gifts that’d be perfect for ALL OF YOU. So in a new Christmas tradition for the new economy I’m going to tell you all what you should buy with your gift cards and money from your grandfather and store credit you get for a sweater nobody on earth should ever own.
HaimGloom. It’s a card game where the object is to cause misery. YOU’RE WELCOME.
Chris- Finish Line Welcome Mat. Clearly you know life is a race Chris, but it’s about time you finally declare yourself the winner.
Jane- The Plain Janes. So Marvel did this line of comics FOR GIRLS  (in big capital marketing letters) this year that of course flopped miserably because girls don’t want comics FOR GIRLS they want good comics that talk about something they care about which is hard to find if you don’t care about Batman being awesome. HOWEVER, The Plain Janes manages to be delightful anyway. It’s about a bunch of teen girls that decide to rebel against their community by becoming art terrorists. Also they’re all named Jane
Beller- No Limit Texas Dreidel. I’m not really sure this requires any explanation.
LucyThe Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You’ll Ever Need. It’s a career guide that’s also a manga. Bunko isn’t really going to be the best or only career guide you’ll ever buy or anything like that, but it is a career guide you can get to the end of without feeling that overwhelming pressure to OMG NEED JOB RIGHT NOW. And really you deserve to be able to have some fun with this stuff. Also if you don’t even want to think about it at all and find this insulting…Robot booties!
Josie- A people’s history of American Empire. Finishing out the Gallatin Girl comic collection Josie gets her favorite book adapted into a comic book with new explanations and content by Howard Zinn and fun pictures!
Katherine- Super Classy Hard Drive. This thing is snazzy and a great way to carry your projects from work to your lappy to Scott’s computer to your secret underground command center. Plus it looks kinda like a flask with no top.
Scott- Transit Maps of the World. A book that celebrates one of your personal graphic design fetishes. I mean, that’s what I’d get you. Lord knows you’d probably be satisfied with this.
Luca- Absinthe set. BOOZE! CLASSY BOOZE!
JillDrink punch thing. Okay it’s weird. It’s like an optical illusion thing that lets you drink beer through a straw and have it look like you slammed the straw right through the cap of the bottle with your bestial strength. Somehow the mental image of you drinking all your beers this way from now on just seemed right to me.
Vicki - Sound Ball Portable Speaker. Now when you want to play something for everybody (as you always do) you can.
Daniele- Windrider Bicycle Clips. Just rolling up your pant-legs is for plebeians
AlexTokyo Flash Watch. I’ve often felt you needed some sort of time keeping device but frankly they were all too normal for you. UNTIL NOW.
Suzan- Fluxx. A card game with really simple rules because all the cards change the rules and so it’s like a Calvinball card game and it becomes really difficult to remember what the rules are because they’re changing constantly but that’s actually the challenge of the game and…. Basically it’s the bizarre kind of fun that I have sometimes, look at everyone else in the room to see they aren’t enjoying it the way I am, and then think “if Suzan were here she’d understand.”
Me- Dr. Horrible DVD. No, I’m not going to get over it. Shut up.

EDIT: WOAH! Vicki’s link and Lucy’s Alternate link fucked up for some reason so ummm

Try This one vicki

And Lucy I think the only way to do yours is to spew linux all over everything so


28 November 2008 @ 03:01 pm

Originally published at Mt Fuji Fun Hour. You can comment here or there.

1. The main inspiration for the new Kanye is Tay Zonday.

2. Miss Frizzle was clearly a timelord.

3. The Shock Doctorine is probably the most important book of the decade. Everybody who liked A People’s History of the United States but felt like it didn’t make them angry enough should go read it right now. Then they can join me in building a time machine to kill Milton Friedman.

4. I’m buying a new domain name. Details in a few days after I’ve talked to some people.

5. I really should be writing more.